Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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