i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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