Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
