wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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