On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
