That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
