my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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