He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
