Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
