Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
just tell him i said nine months
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
