My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
