I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
