In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I AM VODKA MAN
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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