I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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