I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
