took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
