New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
