be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
