Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
