Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
