Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
