What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Randomize
