Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
