I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
