He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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