Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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