I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
