My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
