did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
