Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
