Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
