im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
