Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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