My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
