And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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