i will never coherently bang her
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
