Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
