After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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