Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
