Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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