Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
