I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
