Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
