I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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