Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
They have beer where we have blood.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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