So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Text me some of your sweat
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