The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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