is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
