I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
