Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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