He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
