Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
